my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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