I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
