beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You're like the curious george of whores
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
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