so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
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i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
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We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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