I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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