Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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