Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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