I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
