That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
