ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
