He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
