apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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