the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
