I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
