I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
