Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
God gave him joint rollers for hands
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
