Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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