He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
