i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
