I just pynch a tree in the face
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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