my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
