Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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