I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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