All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
