Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
