Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
