It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize