guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
