Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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