what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
