I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
