Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
