Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
