I can tuck mytits in my pants
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
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