I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
