I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
