also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
