My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
