Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
