My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
