break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
