My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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