Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
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