rhymes with "ouble enetration"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
