It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
