i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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