I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
