he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
