i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
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Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
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Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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