i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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