If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
