We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
