We're facebook friends in real life
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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