yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
