new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
