the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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