Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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