I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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