My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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