my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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