i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I need a burrito and a hug.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
