i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
