god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
