Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
