remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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