Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize