My hand turned me down
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
