You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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