I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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