every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
