how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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