GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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