who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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