I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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