hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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